Where are we going? Nevermind, I don't really want to know.

Another year has come and gone.....

2009-05-21T09:24:00.004-04:00

... and it was a very rough one, but we have managed to keep our heads up and our sanity in tact.
I was reminded yesterday of how the universe does not care if you are prepared when it unloads a shit storm on you but if you remember not to think about it all at once and instead just do the next right thing, you will be OK.
We had plans for our fifth wedding anniversary, our first meeting with a new couples counselor, and a little surprise for Suzy, but things do not always go the way you expect them to.
Suzy's dad had called the night before to ask me to listen to a funny noise his car was making. I could not really tell exactly what the noise was over the phone but I could tell it was some sort of damaged bearing and I advised that he take it in to the repair shop first thing in the morning. He did and while it was a bearing, it was not something small (like a power steering pump or alternator) it was in fact a main engine bearing and on a car with 150k miles you just don't want to spend $5000 to keep it going. So we changed our plans and I dropped Suzy off at a friend's house to get a ride to work and I headed over to meet Jim at the Buick dealer.
To add to the confusion, Jim and Anna's cat Gimmel had a low blood sugar the day before (we think) and was not responding to a glucose injection so she needed to go to the vet to see what was going on. After hours of going from place to place Chris (Suzy's brother) finally got her in to an emergency vet for an exam. Jim and I, now checking out possible replacement cars, are also trying to find out details of the cat's condition and to top it all off Jim's cell phone starts acting up.
So, after we finish up at the dealership and get a bite to eat we head home to search the web for other cars. A short while later we get a call from the vet to find out that Gimmel is really in bad shape (not from the low blood sugar but rather from a host of other problems) unresponsive to light (a sign of a stroke) very low potassium, an irregular heartbeat, and extreme dehydration. I call Suzy and we arrange to pick her up after first stopping off at the Sprint repair center to order Jim a new phone.
Once we all finally get coordinated and meet at the vet the difficult decision is made to have the doctor euthanize Gimmel. We all said our tearful goodbyes (even Suzy's mom Anna via phone) and gave Jim a few minutes alone with the cat. Jim took it all very hard and blamed himself for not taking better care of the cat (which is silly to all of us since she is 19 years old with all kinds of health problems and they have been giving her insulin shots twice a day for years now). Jim was very close to Gimmel and said that out of all the pets they have had over the years she was the only one that was really his pet. We finished saying goodbye and the doctors took her in the back to send her on her way to heaven.
We went back to Jim and Anna's house to regroup and the decision was made that we should all go out to dinner at Provino's in honor of Gimmel and to celebrate Suzy's and my anniversary. After a nice long dinner we headed home and we were sure to give our animals some extra attention that night.
Anyway, with all that has gone on this past year we have managed to survive and we will try to continue to do the next right thing.

Sometimes freedom is hard to measure

2009-04-12T16:09:00.003-04:00

But if it is your freedom, the feeling of it alone is enough to satisfy any perceived need or desire to put a value on it. It may seem wrong and I can understand the argument against such a comparison but the only thing I can think of is being released and having your rights reinstated after having served time in prison, or moving to the US after having grown up in a "third world" or Communist country, but then again I don't know what that is like either but that is the best thing I can think of so just use your imagination.
It may seem trite to some, but I have been a slave to medication of one form or another for my entire life. When I was a child it was Ritalin, Dexedrine, Desipramine etc... and later Lexapro, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Effexor and several others. If you have a knowledge of these drugs then I guess you see a connection. Well in my case it started as the disparate attempts of my parents to turn me into my brother or something like that. Not to say that he was perfect or anything, they just didn't expect their second kid to be wired backwards and they didn't know that was what made me so hard for them to relate to. Hell, I didn't even figure that out until just a few years ago,..... I shouldn't say I didn't know that is how I am, but I didn't realize until recently that I don't have to be wired like everyone else. In fact I honestly prefer being the way I am, even if it makes my life more difficult, I would rather life be hard and my experiences rich and meaningful instead of it being easier and my experiences being normal and safe. I do have regrets, lots of them, but my mistakes have made me who I am and learning by trial and error seems to be the only thing that works for me. Hey, at least I am aware of it.
Anyway, the new found freedom is for the first time in almost 30 years I am no longer experiencing my life through the fog of mind altering meds. It took me two months of slowly reducing my dosage (which was the highest I had ever heard of for the medicine I was taking) so as to avoid any nasty side effects, which I have experienced before when one or another doc decided to play guinea pig on me. I had no interest in going through that again. So, here I am almost a month after the last dose, and I feel great. I should just say "I feel", because with many of these drugs the general effect they have on you is to deaden your feelings to the point that you can't feel anything at all. So maybe I am just over excited at being able to feel again, but I am going to enjoy it as long as I can. And I am writing this to remind myself later how much I love to feel, happy, sad, excited, horny, whatever. I almost forgot what it felt like to feel so I want to remember what it felt like to not feel. So here's to freedom, however you get it.

Still alive (for the most part anyway)

2009-03-25T16:41:00.004-04:00

I can not even put into words what a completely over the top crazy year 2009 has been so far. I really need to sit down and take time to work these thoughts out of my head, otherwise I think I may end up a clock tower sniper. For now all I can do is pinch myself every now and then to make sure I am alive. It may be long way down, but even through the isolation and confusion I know from experience that I can find the way, even if it means crawling on my hands and knees and feeling around in the dark.

Peter Poppins...

2009-02-02T23:46:00.001-05:00

This just made me laugh out loud!!!!

via videosift.com

If at first you don't succeed....♦

2009-01-04T01:12:00.007-05:00

try, try again.

I am somewhat let down with the results from the latest ablation procedure on the Monday before Christmas. So far it feels worse than before. I don't know if it is just pain from the procedure or what but it feels more like it is the bones and joints that hurt not the muscle area where the probes were inserted. I am really worried that there is something else wrong that is causing all of these problems but I don't know what it could be. I am still hopeful that it can get better but it just gets harder to keep a positive attitude as time goes on and on. I am afraid that I am going to have to live with this my whole life and that is really a scary thought. It is really depressing to think that I don't have any choice but to be in pain all of the time or be medicated all of the time. It really sucks, and what makes it worse is that the nurses treat you like a drug addict and act like you are exaggerating when it comes to how bad the pain is. I guess I can understand somewhat, since they work in an environment where they run in to that sort of patient all the time, but still that is no excuse to treat everyone like a junkie.
Anyway, here are some pix from the ablation (courtesy of Suz).

For the first time in years...

2008-11-04T20:19:00.002-05:00

I have to say I am very happy with the results of the ablation procedure so far! It has been three weeks and the area that was ablated (vertebrae C-4 C-5 & C-6) is completely pain free. I am hopeful that the doc will go the extra mile for me next month and perform the same procedure on the two levels below (vertebrae C-7 & T-1) where he did last month. I am really excited at the prospect of finding joy in my extra curricular activities again. In the last several years I have pretty much given up on all my fun projects, sports and such, that is not to say that I have not tried to do them but it almost always ended up with my neck hurting so much that I would swear to myself that "I will never do that again". When I finally ended up selling my last motorcycle earlier this year I was very distraught. Riding was one of the things that has been a constant in my life, and along with the people that it has brought into my life, motorcycling has helped to form the person I am today.
Having given up on most of the things that made me who I am and loosing much of my natural fun seeking energy, I was introduced to the system of procedures known as "facet blocking and ablation". I was unsure at first but still desperate to regain my life so when my surgeon told me about it I was excited and very interested in giving it a go. I went right away to my physiatrist (his p.a. to be more specific) only to be told that it was not something he would recommend, and that insurance usually didn't cover it. I was very angry at the news but I didn't want to argue about it, I figured that was why I had never heard about it before. At the next visit with my surgeon, I explained what the p.a. had said and he seemed confused, he said it was a common procedure and he didn't know why they would say that. He assured me that he would call the other doc's office and talk to him about it. At my next appointment with the physiatrist I repeated the request for having the facet block and again the p.a. all but ignored me. I decided that the problem here was that I was not actually seeing the real doc so I made a point when scheduling my next appointment to tell the nurse that I needed to actually see the doctor at my next visit not the p.a., she scheduled it for me and off I went. About a week later I finally had my visit with doctor Danyo, I explained that my surgeon recommended the facet block and that his p.a. told me it was not an option for me. He was shocked, he said I was actually a good candidate for the procedure and he agreed that I should have it done. FINALLY! So, on to the long and somewhat painful road that would hopefully lead to a pain free neck!
The first treatment was the facet block, the doc explained that it was basically to be used as a diagnostic tool. The facet block is a series of injections of an anesthetic (such as lidocaine) into the nerve facet where it exits the vertebrae on one side or the other. Since my pain was mostly on the right side they decided to start with that. I came in to the office for my first treatment not sure what to expect but still I was sure it would not be as bad as living with constant pain so I was not too worried. I was brought back to the procedure room and put into a gown, they had me lay on my left side on the table which had a fluoroscope attached to it and a computer screen that showed the inside of my neck. As the doctor inserted the needle he could see his path through the muscle and down to the nerve roots without missing it or going too far. He made several injections and sometimes removed the needle half way and wiggled it around to get to another area. It was very uncomfortable but in the end after injecting all the affected levels I didn't feel anything in those areas. I was very happy, but it was short lived. The pain returned in about an hour (as the anesthetic wore off) and was worse due to all the poking and prodding doctor Danyo had done. Four weeks and a follow up appointment came and went and I was ready to return for the radio frequency ablation. The ablation was supposed to take place on Monday Oct. 13 but they had some sort of problem with the r.f. machine so they asked me to come in on Tuesday instead. I was pretty nervous so I was not to upset. Tuesday came quickly and we were off to the doc's office in the afternoon. When I arrived the nurse gave me a quick dissolving pill that was supposed to help me relax, then it was back to the procedure room but this time they gave me a local anesthetic to make it easier to deal with the pain. The ablation went quickly and I was sent home to relax and recuperate.
So here I am three weeks later and three weeks until my next appointment, and I am very happy with the results so far. Other then my having been sick for a week or so my pain has decreased by about half and may even get better over the next few weeks. So I have to wait to schedule the remaining portion of the ablation until my next visit but hopefully the doc can get it all done within the remaining days of this year (otherwise I will have to pay another deductible) but I know he is not worried about my pocketbook but I do think he has my neck's best interest in mind.
Anyway it looks like for the first time in many years I may have a pain free neck for the New Year!! And maybe you will find me back on two wheels some time soon!

-peace

Three days later...

2008-10-17T15:28:00.003-04:00

Well, I had the ablation on Tuesday and it was not as bad as I thought it would be. They gave me a quick acting pill that helps you relax (sort of like a Zanax) and I had kept an ice pack on my neck for an hour before the procedure so it didn't hurt much at all. That afternoon I didn't have much soreness, just a little around the insertion site. The next morning, after the medicine had worn off, I started to really feel the aching and tenderness. Two days and lots of ice and heat packs later I am still pretty sore but I can tell that the pain is different then what I am used to, it is from the sore muscles that were affected by the r.f. probe being pushed through them and not from the actual vertebrae where my fusion is. I am happy that it is feeling better and I know that the muscle pain will subside soon.
I have only one complaint about the whole thing and that is that I specifically told the doc that the pain goes from c-3 all the way down to t-2 (that is from the third cervical (neck) vertebrae down to the second thoracic vertebrae) but he stopped at c-6 instead of going all the way down to t-2. When I had the last appointment before the procedure he said he was going to ablate all the nerves on the right side from c-3 to t-2 but when I went in on Tuesday he said he would only be going down to c-6. I was out of it from the meds and I didn't push the subject, after all he would be sticking things in my neck in a few minutes and the last thing I wanted to do was irritate him. Anyway I am sure there is a good reason for the change and I will find out what that is on the 30th when I have the follow up. For now I will just be grateful for the relief I will have from what has been done so far, and I won't be as worried about having to have another ablation since I know it is not very painful.
-peace ya'll

One more day...

2008-10-13T20:47:00.002-04:00

I am not sure if I should be pissed off or happy about it, but, while Suz and I were getting ready to leave the house this afternoon to head out for my appointment my phone rang. It was Dr. Danyo's nurse calling to tell us that they had a problem with the radio frequency machine that is used to perform the ablation and that they would have to cancel my appointment and see if I can come in tomorrow instead. I had really been dreading the procedure so at first I was relieved but then I started to think about it and I got pissed. I always find it interesting how when you have an emergency and have to cancel an appointment they make a point of telling you that you have to pay for the missed appointment, however if they have a schedule conflict or a problem with equipment and they have to cancel your appointment I don't see them offering to waive the charge or give you a discount on your next visit. I know it doesn't matter and it will not change anything I just thought it was interesting. I think when I go in tomorrow for the appointment I was supposed to have today I will tell the Doc I am going to have to bill him for having canceled my procedure. Just to see how he reacts. I have really been psyching myself out about this whole thing just because I have heard that the procedure is pretty uncomfortable (which is probably doctor code for "it is going to hurt"). Now I am just ready to get it over with and get on with the recovery and {fingers crossed} feeling better so I can get back to my life. Anyway, 10:30am tomorrow (baring any mechanical problems) I go in for the r.f. ablation and I am expecting to be very sore for a day or so and back to normal within a week or two.

-peace

The latest thing

2008-09-19T04:44:00.008-04:00

Well to me anyway. This past Wed. I had my first ever diagnostic nerve (facet) block. My best description is to say it is a lot like when the dentist gives you Novocaine before he starts drilling and half of your mouth and tongue go numb. To be specific about it the doc applied the Novocaine to 5 targeted areas (he managed to do this with several shots.... sounds nice of him but believe me it wasn't), all on the sides of my neck. This is a picture of what it looks like without the skin, muscle, veins, tendons, throat, etc...
The hope was to determine if I would feel any relief from disabling the nerves in question (in my case the facet nerves on either side of my c3-t1 vertebrae). It worked great and I felt a great sense of relief, even though it didn't last as long as I had hoped (the numb feeling wore off in an hour or so). I guess I misunderstood how this was going to go down, because I was expecting him to give me 12 shots all together 6 on each side of c3, c4, c5, c6 ,c7 and t1, and I was expecting it to last for at least a few days. As I now understand the procedure is not really a treatment, it is only a test to see if we have the correct area that is causing the pain. Not only did I misunderstand how long it would last but I also did not know how much it was going to hurt after the Novocaine wore off. It is Friday morning and the whole right side of my neck is still swollen and tender to the touch and my throat feels sore (probably also from the swelling). Anyway, the nerve block did what it was supposed to do and now I have to return in 2 weeks for a follow up and to schedule the second part of the procedure which is the actual ablation. The ablation is more complicated and takes longer since it requires multiple steps at each injection and it requires that all 12 injections be made separately. I am hoping for a local anesthetic but it is not a deal breaker for me since the short period of numbness I had after the nerve block was the best I have felt in a long time. Anyway wish me luck and cross your fingers in hopes that the ablation works and life can go on pain free from then on!!!
Here is a simple diagram of the ablation (the ablation needles are attached to a microwave emitter that kills the problem nerve)

Pain management

2008-09-05T16:28:00.006-04:00

It has been a busy month here at home with a recent death in the family and our own trials to deal with, but we are doing well. I am very excited to finally have an answer to the pain I have dealt with for years now resulting from an injury in my neck back in 1999. My doctor recommended that I speak to my physiatrist about having an ablation procedure done. He said it would be my best bet for some lasting relief, and I am all for that. The pain has been pretty much constant for going on three years or so and even after my surgery in November of 07 I have not had much relief except for from medication which is no way to live your life. I spoke to the other doc and he said it sounded like a very good idea and he would check with the insurance company to see if they would give us any trouble covering the procedure. Skip forward a month and I was back in the physiatrist office with the final decision. He said we would have to do a diagnostic procedure called a facet block which is basically injecting Novocaine directly into the nerve facets that come out from the side of each of my cervical (neck) vertebrae from c3 down to c7 and see how well it works (or if it works at all). If that is successful then we schedule for the more permanent fix called an ablation. This is a more involved procedure that basically consists of inserting a needle into my neck that is connected to a radio frequency emitter (sort of a very small microwave) and cooking the nerves which basically kills them and therefore eliminates their ability to transmit pain signals to my brain. It is a somewhat common procedure but it is said to be quite painful. I am not too worried though as long as it works I am willing to do just about anything at this point!
Hopefully I will be writing again on the 17th to tell all about how great it is not being in pain anymore and finally getting back to my "normal" activities (riding, rolorblading, dancing, playing with the kids and the dogs, etc...)!
Wish me luck!!!
-peace

Just in case anyone was wondering...

2008-07-17T00:48:00.007-04:00

Suzy and I have been doing great, working on the house, working on our respective careers, and working on raising our three dogs. We (like most any couple) have had our trials, but lately it seems like all of our work and patience has really begun to pay off. We still have trouble from time to time but the difficult times are becoming more and more infrequent.

She has been working for M.F. Poer and Associates, an accounting and corporate tax company, she has had a bit of trouble adjusting, mostly due to the extremely demanding deadline schedule that they impose. As far as I can tell (from our conversations about it) the problems may have more to do with piss poor management and a general lack of accountability from the company higher ups. I have to give her props though, she is very dedicated and has really come a long way from where she was when she started there last May (2007). At first she was really unsure of herself, just because of all the math and hard deadlines, but I think it may have had more to do with all the catty bitches who were there when she first started. She came home after the first few days of work distraught because they kept saying things like "you aren't going to quit are you?" and "are you still going to come in to work tomorrow?" and always telling her about all the other people who had worked there over the years and how most of them quit after only a few days. I was so pissed, she was dealing with enough stress just trying to learn the job and they were just making it worse. In hind sight it is more likely that they were trying to scare her on purpose just to be mean, they do things like that all the time. It must be like working in a daycare, everyone making things up and telling on each other to try and get each other in trouble. I really hate to hear about it (I mean I really hate it) but I am trying to be a good listener and I know that it is important for Suz to get to vent. I guess it is just in my nature to want to go down there and say something about it but I know that would only make things harder for her. Either way, all I want to do is make it better for her.
As for me, I have been working with Predictix LLC, a computer science and software firm in Atlanta. I really enjoy the job, it is not like anything I have ever done before and I have learned a lot since starting there in February of 2007. I work with some of the most brilliant programmers in Atlanta (or anywhere for that matter). I had a little trouble at first, having to learn a new business, new lingo, and having to relearn the ol' computer skills. But there were a bunch of great people (including my good friend Matt) who were all happy to help me, and they were (usually) patient with me. Now, a year and a half later I can honestly say I could probably help you if your computer was not cooperating with you. One of the fringe benefits is that I have a lot of screen time to work on my own pet projects, oh yeah, and I get the honor of helping out if any family members need any computer related assistance.
Here are a couple of shots of the office>

Pix from out Indy / Chicago trip

2008-06-24T18:26:00.001-04:00

Photobucket Album

What a week!!!

2008-06-16T14:26:00.026-04:00

We (Suzy and I) just returned from an exciting 10 day trip to Chicago and Indianapolis. We had a lot of goals that we wanted to achieve and with a few small exceptions it feels like a great success!! We departed the Atlanta airport on Friday afternoon (6/7).

With the exception of my having spilled a gas can in the Versa the day before (leaving an awful stink in the car) the trip to the airport went fine, we arrived with plenty of time to print our boarding passes, get through security and grab a snack on the concourse before boarding. It was our first trip since my surgery last November and I definitely felt some major discomfort on the flight (mostly on departure and landing) but it was not too bad.

We had decided to fly in to Milwaukee and rent a car to drive in to Chicago which worked out great, the Milwaukee airport is small and easy to get around in which really made our arrival nice and easy. The rental car allowed us to get around easier and stop for whatever we wanted to, which was great. We stopped in southern Wisconsin to grab a bite since Suz was feeling a little low and the weather was looking pretty bad. It turned out that a huge rain storm was brewing and actually spawned a few tornadoes. We managed to side step the worst of the storm by taking a little time to walk around at a Gander Mtn. store and then grabbing a bite at a steak house right off the highway.

After eating we both felt a lot better and other then the traffic on the Kennedy expressway (ugh!!) we made it Frank and Sarah's with time left over for a little walk in their new neighborhood and a late bite at a little diner around the corner

We had a lot of fun getting to know Zane again, since the last time we had seen him he was a new born. He is really starting to explore and learn, sometimes learning a little too fast.

We had a great time taking Zane to the Morton Arboretum and there are too many great pictures to post here so I will create an album on Photobucket for them!
It was a little on the hot side that day, but it was totally worth it, seeing all the beautiful trees and plants and watching Zane in the children's garden made for a great day! The next day we went to a White Sox game (Z's very first!)

which was a lot of fun once the downpour ended. The Sox handed the Twins a serious ass whooping.

That evening we shared a Thai dinner (including fried meal worms...)

Yes, those are worms in my bro's mouth.

We spent most of the next day on a solo trip to visit my Mom and Dad's graves, which was very emotional for me and for Suzy too. It was her first time meeting them and my first time there in over 10 years. It was a lot harder then I expected to be there again but we both left with a great sense of relief and closeness. That night we decided to head down to Navy Pier for some sight seeing and a bite to eat. It had rained off and on so it was nice and sticky but we had a great time anyway.

On our last day in Chicago we took a little trip out to the Queen of Heaven cemetery and mausoleum to pay a visit to my grandparents, great grandparents and my great aunt Dolly. Suz and I were really impressed by the size of this place. It is absolutely huge and the decorations are really beautiful.

After leaving the cemetery we headed down to the city for a little sight seeing. Suzy got to take her first trip to the top of the Sears Tower which was cool but I guess not as cool as it was when I was 5.

We returned our rental car and Sarah gave us a lift back to their place for our last evening with them. Frank dug up some old documents and records that he had kept which were our dad's and some genealogy records that I had a great time reading through. It was really nice getting to catch up with him and spending time with our nephew.
The next day we packed our bags and headed down to Union Station for our bus ride to Indianapolis which was not as nice as we had hoped but also not as long as we thought it would be.
Arriving in Indy was a huge relief for us both, Suzy's Grandma Nancy is one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever met, just being around her is relaxing and her personality makes you want to be a better person. We had a nice dinner with Nancy and headed to her house to relax and get some sleep.

The next day we met up with Suzy's aunt Heather for breakfast and then went for a visit to the rehab facility where grandpa Russell is recovering from a fall he had at home. He was having a rough morning but seemed to really perk up upon seeing Suzy, I can't say I blame him, she usually has that effect on me too.

We had such a wonderful time visiting grandma Nancy, grandpa Russell, Heather and Eric that we really didn't want to come home. We did a lot there but I will say one thing for sure, we payed a lot of attention to finding shoes for Suzy and me, maybe more then we should, but then we both had a great need for foot comfort!

Grandma Nancy has made a very nice home for them in their condo, she has it decorated to the gills with beautiful artwork, crystals, plants and of course their sweet kitty Molly, who was very happy to have someone to lavish with attention since grandpa has been away for a little while and she usually spends a lot of time with him. Our next visit to grandpa was a lot better since he was much more awake and we brought him some cool headphones so he could listen to his shows on t.v. without bothering his butt head roommate. He was much more talkative and had a great time checking out the picture of little Taylor (our niece/his great granddaughter) that we brought for him.
We tried to visit him often but he gets tired easily so we usually kept it short and sweet. We got to go to the mall near Nancy's house a couple of times and we had lots of great food, but most of all it was the company that made it a great time.

It had to come to an end some time, and we had forgotten that Sunday was fathers day so we decided to try and get on an earlier flight home to spend time with Jim and Chris (Suzy's dad and brother) who were celebrating their first grandfathers day and fathers day respectively. We checked on the Air Tran website and the 6am flight showed to have 22 seats still available so we figured ... cool, no problem... right. Well, no not right, we woke up at 3:45 am we were out the door at 4 and arrived at the airport in 30 minutes, when we got to the front of the line and asked if we could stand by for one of the available seats we were informed that there had been an error in Air Tran website showing and selling (un)available seats and the flight was actually way over sold. The desk agents were trying to shuffle the people who had been over sold on to other flights to get them to their destinations but it did not look good for us. That was not the best thing to hear when you have only had a few hours of sleep and you are aching all over from a long week of running around and sleeping on beds that you are not used to but the agent told us we should come back to the desk at 8 and try to get on the 11:30 flight so we decided to make the best of it and get a cup of coffee and a muffin and take a stroll around the airport. We came back to the ticket desk to find a different agent there who told us that we could pay $25 each and that would allow him to confirm us on the 11:30 flight, we decided that was the way to go and got our passes and headed out to the gate. Three hours passed while we played on the computer and read while sitting at the gate. The gate agents made an announcement asking if anyone wanted to upgrade their tickets to first class for a $50 fee and Suz thought that would be fun so we decided that would, she went up to the gate and asked if we could do that and the gate agent proceeded to tell her that not only could we not upgrade but that he was going to have to refund the $50 we had paid earlier and that we could not get on the flight at all!!!! Needless to say she freaked out, I was sitting close by but did not hear what was going on exactly but I could see that Suz was getting upset so I went over to find out what was going on and the agent immediately copped an attitude with me as if we were trying to sneak on to the plane and somehow it was our fault that the flight was full. I got very upset and explained to the agent that we were told that by paying the $25 per ticket fee, we had been assigned seats, our bags were checked and we were guaranteed to be on that plane! Maybe it was all the other flights and all the other passengers who had been yelling at him all morning, or maybe it was just me but he decided to argue with me and tell me that we were not going to be on that flight. I was livid, deprived of sleep and a little jacked up on caffeine so I let my voice get a little elevated and apparently that pushed the gate agent over the edge. He walked away from me and refused to speak to me at all! I tried to calm down and got on the phone with Air Tran while Suzy tired to talk to one of the other agents that were already almost done boarding the plane by now. Then, after a few minutes on hold the agent suddenly changed his tune and called us over, handed us our passes and nodded over toward the gate. I am not exactly sure what happened but I was just ready to get out of there so we grabbed our things and boarded the plane. It was pretty cool when we were walking down the isle towards our seats other passengers were saying "way to go" and "glad you made it on" I guess there were other folks who were having similar problems that morning. All I can say is I hope Air Tran gets the kinks worked out of their system and can avoid this sort of thing in the future. We finally made it back to Atlanta at about 1pm and by the time our bags got out to the terminal Suzy's mom had just showed up to pick us up. We headed out to their house to reunite with our puppies (we had been suffering some major dog love withdrawal) and relax while waiting for the rest of the family to come over for a little cook out and cake for fathers day. I am going to post the photos of our trip in my Photobucket album for all to see so feel free to go check them out!!

here is a link to photobucket

Taking Great Strides

2008-05-19T23:17:00.005-04:00

Well this weekend was the Great Strides fundraiser benefiting the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. The event raised awareness about CF and raised money for research to help make life easier for patients and hopefully to find a cure some day soon. The event seemed to be a huge success, it felt like the crowd was a lot bigger then last year and all around it seemed to be better organized. I had a great time as is usual at these events, I always really enjoy working with Sarah, Susan, Kirsten and all the other folks at the CFF. I have been working for several years with the CFF and the Pickering Foundation which has an annual charity golf tournament in October. I had to skip the golf tournament last year so I was really missing the good times and looking forward to the walk. I have included some links for anyone who is interested in learning more.

Here is a link to some photos!!
http://s195.photobucket.com/albums/z86/C_Santoro/Great%20Strides%2008/

Bone growth

2008-05-05T13:50:00.006-04:00

So this is a new discovery for me. My last visit to the doctor, when he explained that one of the screws (who's job is to hold my spinal fusion together) has started to back itself out, he prescribed more physical therapy or I should say more "intensive" physical therapy, and something called a bone growth stimulator. The P.T. was pretty much self explanatory but the bone growth stimulator was a little more of a mystery to us. I didn't think to ask at the time of the appointment and Suzy and I just figured it was some sort of medicine that helped to strengthen your bones. I guess that seemed to make sense, I mean they have all sorts of stuff for people who have low bone density or osteoporosis. My mother in law Anna takes something like that and I guess that is what I was expecting. Well, I was way off.

The bone growth stimulator is actually an electronic device that you wear over the area that needs to be stimulated. It looks sort of like a small tennis racket without a handle that has a giant c.b. radio mic attached to it. I have since done some research on the subject and found that they have an impressive track record of making huge improvements in users quality of life. Having said that I am going to document my progress here.

The company's rep. came by last week for a quick tutorial and to explain the devices limitations. I was surprised to learn that, because of the company who make them, the devise has a relatively short lifespan (because they set the device to automatically turn itself off after nine months, so it can not be used longer then prescribed, it is also set to only be used once every twenty four hours). I was at first a little pissed about it but I suppose I understand why they do it, I guess they have to protect their company's future. I think I would not be quite as calm about it if I had to actually pay for it out of my own pocket, seeing that the price of only one b.g.s. device, that you can only use once a day for nine months, costs over five thousand eight hundred dollars, and even my insurance company who has a contract with the supplier still pays over twenty five hundred dollars for it. Anyway we had already met our out of pocket maximum for the year so it didn't cost us anything, and the rep. who delivered it said that if I am still using it at the end of the nine months that they had to give me another one free, so I will be sure to keep track of his card.

I am using the device daily trying to keep it close to the same time, so as not to mess up the every twenty four hours rule. Obviously, I have not seen any sort of results yet as it takes several weeks to start making progress. For those of you who are interested, the way it works is by emitting electro-magnetic energy in a focused area that causes increased blood flow in the inner part of the bone, the cells in the bone are then caused to build their structure more rapidly then they normally do. I guess it is a similar ideal to all those magnetic necklaces, bracelets, shoe insoles and such, only on a much more powerful scale (like 5000 times more powerful). So for someone like me who has a degenerative disease that keeps your bones, joints and cartilage from growing as strong as they should, it makes your bones stronger and more dense (less likely to crack or break). And in my case specifically it will make the donor bone that replaced my damaged vertebral disc and my own vertebrae (which are now fused with titanium screws and a plate) grow together faster and stronger (hopefully).

We will see if the bone growth stimulator is all it is cracked up to be.

When I take a step back

2008-04-23T18:40:00.006-04:00

And look at the past year I am sad to say that I have come to the difficult decision to sell my beautiful motorcycle. I guess just about anyone who is reading this probably knows that I had to have surgery on my neck for the second time in 9 years last November. The surgery has not left me with the result I had hoped for and now that I am still having to live with pretty much constant pain in my neck and upper back I hardly ever ride my FZ at all any more.

I bought the bike about 14 months ago after first seeing one like it at the International Motorcycle Show the year before. It was love at first sight for me and I knew at that moment that I would one day have one. I purchased the bike new from Lawrenceville Honda Yamaha and I also purchased several accessories to make it both more comfortable and more powerful. The end result was (for me) the perfect mix of style comfort and performance. It has been very hard for me to come to this decision but seeing it sitting there in the garage every day and not being able to ride (especially now that the weather is so nice) is really a lot worse then passing it off to someone who will get to enjoy the ride. And I guess if things improve with my neck, and I feel like I can get back in the saddle, I can always try again later. Who knows, maybe they will come up with something even better then my beloved FZ down the road.

With baited breath

2008-04-17T12:28:00.005-04:00

I am sitting here with this funny taste in my mouth and thinking about where it came from. Is it my snack of Fritos and peanut butter cookies or the allergy meds I am taking to battle the wonderful life giving pollen, or is it the anticipation of tomorrows (hopefully productive) doctor visit? I guess all of these things effect me in one way or another. Tomorrow I will be visiting my surgeon to find out what he and the radiologist think about the results of my last MRI (last week). I am not sure what to expect, I guess I want to try an remain hopeful that they will be able to pinpoint the cause of the ongoing pain I am dealing with but at the same time the cynic in me expects to hear the usual run around and double talk instead of direct answers. I don't know if it is just bad luck with picking doctors or the doctors fear of repercussions from assholes but something seems to cause them to clam up when it comes to giving straight answers to my questions. I wish there was some way to weed through all the b.s. in these situations, I guess there can't be though, too many lawyers, too many idiots that want everyone but themselves to be the cause of their problems, too many doctors who honestly believe they are incapable of making mistakes, and way too many far removed insurance company officials and politicians who do not care what the effect of their actions will be on their customers well being as long as there is a way for them to deny benefits and or line their pockets somehow, that are making too many decisions without a single caring thought about the people who will be harmed in the bigger picture. It is the look out for #1 and fuck everyone else attitude that we all see on a daily basis in every aspect of our society that will eventually be the end of us all in one way or another.

Cool song from my bro in law

2008-03-31T15:58:00.004-04:00

Hopefully this will work correctly. If it does you should be able to click on the player below to listen to a track my Brother in law Chris recorded last year (I think).

The Harry Boogie.mp3
Free File Hosting

You may have thought that I had a couple of screws loose....

2008-03-24T12:58:00.004-04:00

Well, it turns out you were right. Well sort of anyway. I have been having a lot more pain in my neck lately, and I was worried that I had done something to damage another part of my back by over compensating for my neck. Well that remains to be seen but in my last visit to the doc for a status check and x-ray. The x-ray showed that one of the screws that are holding the plate in my neck to my bones has backed itself out a little. The doctor said I should not worry too much (that is easy for him to say) but it may be a sign that the bones are not fusing as well as we had hoped. He did however see fit to order another M.R.I. this time of my whole spine (not just my neck, as he had done before). So for now I am just having to up the pain meds for a while until it either clears up on its own or till the doc decides to take some other action. Either way there is not much I can do other then continue the stretching and resistance exercises that I have been doing all along. Hopefully this will be the last problem I have to deal with (with my neck anyway) and I can move on.
-Peace

Can I tell the future??

2008-03-17T12:15:00.005-04:00

I have been wondering for a while now if I, that is my physical being, have the ability to foresee the future. I have noticed over the years that I am prone to body aches and pain in my back, neck and other joints just before a major change in atmospheric pressure. However, since first having surgery in 2000 on my spine and more recently last November having another similar operation in almost the same area, this acute sense has become even more sensitive. I have heard of other people who have the same sort of experience, but they usually say it is the rain or the snow or something like that. I however, feel that it is not the rain itself that is causing my discomfort but rather any change at all in the barometric pressure. I guess I am not 100% sure as to how it works but I am trying to pay closer attention to it and it just so happens that last Friday I was in a particularly great amount of pain (more then usual anyway) and I mentioned to my wife and her parents while we were at dinner that there must be a hell of a storm headed our way. The next couple of days saw a rare and historical event here in Atlanta, tornadoes!!! There were at least 3 for sure but the news stations have said that there may have actually been more. I guess from now on I will really try to remember to pay attention to my body's internal barometer and adjust my plans accordingly.

Take a look at My Daily Thread...

2008-03-03T23:29:00.005-05:00

I would appreciate any feedback that may come to mind if you have had a minute to go and try out my new website "My Daily Thread" we have put a lot of time and energy into it but as with any new venture there is always room for improvement. Stop in and take a look, create an account (it's free of course) post some of your own "threads" and have fun reviewing and rating other peoples items. We have also written a companion app for Facebook that synchs up to MDT. Please try it out and tell your friends to check it out too.

Thanks a lot!!
-C

Another day another......

2008-02-29T18:45:00.003-05:00

I guess all is well in Santoroland. Tomorrow is my 34th birthday and I am happy to say nothing is going on. I guess you could say I am a bit of a pessimist, but with the roller coaster ride I have been on for most of the last 30 or so years, I have learned to enjoy the rest periods. I know, boring!! But at least nothing bad is happening. Well not to me anyway. That is not to say that life has been uninteresting. Between my surgery and recovery which is going ok (not as good as I would hope but still ok), Suzy's having been put on the insulin pump, and the rest of the clan keeping up their normal high jinks, things are still quite lively. We are hoping to get to take some time off this summer for a much needed vacation. I am not too sure exactly where or when but I think we may try to do a nice long trip to visit various family members, my bro Frank and his family, Suzy's grandparents, Suzy's aunt Linda and uncle Jack and maybe we will squeeze in a little time to ourselves along the way. I know it is still a few months away at least but I am happily looking forward to it. Peace.

Work daze.

2008-02-13T13:04:00.003-05:00

Thank goodness I am back working in the office for a change. I have spent the last several months working form home and recovering from my neck surgery, and I was starting to go nuts. I am back in the office and getting back to the routine of daily life surrounded by other people (not just our dogs). I must say I had really enjoyed working at the house and being relaxed on the sofa most of the day, but I guess I was starting to lose touch a little bit with reality. I had started going three or four days without shaving and sometimes almost that long without a shower too. So now I am getting back into the swing of things and feeling better too.
My physical therapist (for my neck problems) has had me doing a bunch of stretching and resistance work that has me thinking more about taking better care of myself. I have been taking some vitamins for a while now (about a year) and noticed that if I miss even a day or two of taking them I really feel the difference in my body. I can honestly say I will be doing my best from now on to keep the appropriate levels of vitamins in my system. For now I am taking one One a day mens, one 1000mg C, one 1000mg B12, and two 500mg Inosotol every day and I feel a lot better for it. I highly recommend it to anyone who just wants to feel better then they do now.

On and on and on and on....

2008-01-15T10:18:00.000-05:00

Well still in the collar and now since I have been having pain more like what I was experiencing before the surgery I asked to have my appointment with the doc on an earlier date. Unfortunately the best they could do is one week earlier, and then they said I should stay in the collar the whole time until the doctor could take a look at me and see what the cause of the pain is. So, for now I hope to have the collar off by the end of next week. We will have to see, all I can say is thank god for Loritab.

2 More weeks.

2008-01-04T21:38:00.000-05:00

A holiday and the start of a new year have gone by and here I am still in the torture device. Apparently my neck didn't look good enough at my last check up and x-ray so the doctor decided to have me stay in the collar for a few more weeks. I now have 2 weeks till he says I can take it off for real. I can't say how happy I will be to be able to turn my head again, but I am still a little apprehensive. I still have pain in my neck and right shoulder every day, some days are better then others but it can be pretty bad still so I am worried that it won't improve after I take off the cervical collar. I will have to just wait and see how it goes. I know it will take time either way.

5 more days till freedom (sort of anyway)

2007-12-13T11:49:00.000-05:00

Yea!!! I get to finally take off (well in a few days) the neck restricting torture device, by that I mean the cervical collar I have been wearing for the last 5 weeks. I know it is important to my neck's proper healing, but I am really starting to get sick of it. I am just happy I didn't have to wear it in the heat of summer (I could expand on that thought but I would rather spare you all the yucky details). Anyway I am looking forward to being pain free for the first time in months. I guess I should add that I feel much better already but the c-collar does inflict its own pain, different from the pain of the damaged vertebral disk, but it seems that that will go away when I am done wearing it. The incision is healing up nicely but is still a little tender so I am trying to not touch it if I can help it.

10 days to go!!!

2007-12-07T15:02:00.000-05:00

I can't tell you how much wearing this cervical collar sucks.
Anyway, all is well at the Santoro household, we put up our Christmas tree last night and we are looking forward to a fun party at our good friends Brian and Kelly Pechin's house tomorrow night. My friend Dan posted a funny video today on Facebook and I am posting it here for all to see! It really made me laugh.

Three weeks out

2007-11-29T18:26:00.000-05:00

I am happy to say I am feeling pretty good most of the time. I still have a bit of pain but I think it is mostly from the collar itself, and it's resting on my neck. Now I am just trying to stick to what the doc says and keep the collar on all the time, with the exception of showering and a break now and then to wash the pads. I am trying to keep an open mind about it all and and just hang on a few more weeks.

One week later...

2007-11-13T12:57:00.002-05:00

Well, here I am still alive and kicking, and working my way through the recovery process. It has been a lot different then I had expected. On the day of my surgery I expected to have to stay the night in the hospital for observation, but they decided that the operation went better then they had expected and I could go ahead and go home just a few hours after the surgery. I was very happy to hear that and I felt pretty good so, home we went. The doctor recommended that I try to do some walking as exercise so I took the dogs for a short walk in the neighborhood. I could tell afterwards that I had overdone it but it was too late to worry about that now. I had a very hard time getting comfortable in bed with the collar on so I did not get much sleep that night. The next day I was really feeling the pain for the first time, I guess I was still feeling the effects of the medicine the day before which was why I wasn't hurting too much. Oh well, lesson learned. I have been much more careful since then to pace myself and pay attention to my body. I am one week into my recovery now with five weeks to go in the cervical collar. I can't wait to see how things work out. I am really looking forward to a life without the constant nagging pain and without the daily need to take medication. I will however be very diligent in trying to maintain a healthier lifestyle all around. Suzy and I have agreed to stick to a better diet, and to getting more exercise. We hope that it will make our lives more enjoyable in the long run. We have also talked more about starting a family soon so we have that to help us towards our goals. I have been blessed with a wonderful wife and family who have really helped a lot in keeping a positive attitude and providing support for us in this rough time. Thank you all for everything you have done for us, from the kind thoughts and prayers to the nice visits and helping out financially. We are very grateful. Below is a link to my PhotoBucket album with pictures from the hospital and afterwards at home, feel free to check them out at your leisure or if you prefer just go to this page http://s195.photobucket.com/albums/z86/C_Santoro/Neck%20Surgery%20Pix/

-peace

Surgery photos

2007-11-13T12:57:00.001-05:00

Photobucket Album

Twelve hours and counting...

2007-11-05T19:50:00.000-05:00

8am tomorrow I will be counting backwards from one hundred. The way I feel tonight, I wish I was already under. As it is, I am not. I am headed out for a bite, and hopefully early to sleep (if I can sleep anyway) with a 6am wake up time. I don't feel much like writing so I am going to leave it at that. Hopefully I will have an interesting story and maybe some cool photos too, come Wednesday afternoon. Wish me luck!!

Medication.....

2007-10-27T04:31:00.000-04:00

I was reminded recently of an old saying, it is easier to sell aspirin then it is to sell vitamins, or some variance of that. I also had a co-worker once who, referring to his wife, always finds it easier to ask for forgiveness rather then permission. I guess they are not the same but they are in the same neighborhood. There is probably lot that can be said about both of these sayings, but I am interested in the perplexing relationship I have with my own medication. I take the pills the doctor prescribes to ease my pain, but now the dosage keeps me awake at night. Staying awake means moving around, moving around means more (or worse) pain to deal with. More pain means more pills, and so on and so on.... So, here I am. Sitting on the sofa, watching whatever I can find on t.v. and trying very hard not to smoke (which in itself is quite a challenge while on the pain meds). This sucks. I am happy to be on the "taking vitamins" side of things now, or am I?? I guess I could argue it either way. As to the other saying I can't understand that one from either side. I suppose that is because I have a relatively unique outlook and experience on that side of things. I am just tired of this current crap storm. I think I am going to go for a drive to keep from going nuts.

Not too much fun.

2007-10-26T13:01:00.000-04:00

I had my "pre-op" visit today with the surgeon and the hospital billing folks to make sure they get paid even if I die on the table. They did some basic tests to make sure I am healthy enough to have the surgery. All of it was pretty run of the mill, they drew a few vials of blood and did an EKG, there was one that really sucked though, I am not sure what it is called but it involved them jabbing a needle deep into my wrist, they said it was to access the artery directly where I guess they can get some sort of specific test from the artery blood. Although I don't know what it is for I do know it fucking hurts, I mean it was a little uncomfortable at first while they were actually drawing the blood but then after the needle is pulled out it started throbbing, like someone was smashing their thumb into the under side of my wrist as hard as they can. I guess if this is the worst thing I have to endure then I should be happy but having had this type of surgery before I know that the recovery and the immediate post operation pain is going to suck. Anyway, this is all just conjecture I guess, I am just a little worried in anticipation of the surgery. I am happy nothing has happened yet to further postpone things and they even pushed my actual surgery up a few hours to 8:30am. So if all goes as planned I will be out of surgery/recovery and in my own room by 2pm or so, depending on how long the operation takes. I also spoke to the doc today about the possibility of them snapping a few pix with my camera during the surgery and they seemed to be cool with it, the PA even seemed to be a little excited about it. I am not sure if that is a good thing or if it is weird. My surgery is now scheduled for Nov. 6th at 8:30am at Northside Hospital Forsyth in Cumming GA.

Quite an eventful week.

2007-10-21T18:23:00.000-04:00

We had a wonderful experience this week, my brother in law Chris Harrison and his wife Ashley welcomed a new baby on Friday. Taylor Elizabeth Harrison was born October 19th at 2:03 pm. She was 6 pounds 11 ounces and about 18 inches long. Suzy and I are very happy and as this is the first grandchild in the Harrison family there was a lot of excitement at their house. I have a fair amount of experience in this area, having two nephews and another niece in my own family. I will never get over how happy they all make me, the pure and unconditional love experienced always renews my inner feeling of hope. I am once again looking forward to a lifetime of teaching and learning and watching their new world unfold. I am reminded of how happy it makes me and I imagine how wonderful welcoming our own children will one day be. With the holidays right around the corner I am sure this fall will be a lot of fun for all of us. I can't wait. Hopefully I will get to spend time with my brother Frank and his family too, we have not had holidays together in a long time so I think that would be nice.

Am I ready?? Do I have a choice??

2007-10-16T16:21:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking more and more lately about being a father. I know that no matter how much I think about it and how much I prepare, I will never truly be completely ready. I guess my recent experiences have made me think more about the next stage of life. I love being around kids, but, I worry that my body won't be able to keep up. Some of the best times of my life were spent being a counselor at C.F. camp, but now I am not sure I could do all the fun stuff I did then. The kids kept us going all the time and that is not to mention all the hard work preparing for the week of camp, fund raising and planning for the next event. I guess I am worried that my medical problems are going to prevent me from enjoying the creation of new memories with my own family. If I am to be a good father I must begin to repair my body now. The pending surgery is not much of a concern to me really, but it will definitely mark the beginning of a new commitment to repairing the rest of my body. I think making my thoughts public (sort of) will help. I have more of a reason to succeed if I make my intentions known. Not to say that I wouldn't try, but if I tell the world I want to be a better, more healthy and potentially stronger individual then maybe I can remember that I have made a promise to myself and I have to keep it. I don't think people would think less of me but I would think less of myself and I don't need that. I need to feel productive, I need to feel that I am more then a worker earning money to sustain my meager lifestyle. I am laboring to become a better man, physically, mentally, emotionally and in society. I am sure that weather or not I am prepared life will go on, I would rather feel happy and satisfied with myself then disappointed.

On to the next episode....

2007-10-12T12:39:00.000-04:00

I have harbored a well deserved distrust for the Resurgeon's company, a large local group of orthopedics, neurosurgeons, physical therapists, and the like. After several bad experiences with their Lawrenceville GA location, including but not limited to loosing my M.R.I. film and trying to make me pay for their replacement. So, I was a little uneasy about them being my only "real" option as a replacement for my, soon to be out of business, c-spine specialist. I had my first visit with the P.A. that partners with Dr James that will hopefully pick up where the other doc left off. The appointment went pretty much as I thought it would, taking another x-ray and then reviewing it with me and me giving the P.A. an explanation of it and my M.R.I. films that any radiologist would be proud of. He seemed a little bothered at first that I was telling him what was wrong but after a little chatting and Q&A we were on the same page and I felt much more comfortable. A very nice lady then came in and gave us some options for times and dates for my follow up with the surgeon and the actual date (which is somewhat flexible) for my surgery. If all goes as planned by this time next month I will be the proud (ha ha ha) owner of yet another titanium surgical appliance. In this case they feel that the fusion from my previous surgery is in good enough shape that they will remove the old plate and screws from the 4th 5th and 6th and install the new one at the 6th and 7th vertebrae. I am confident that this will all end with me feeling a lot better and hopefully getting back to some of the activities I love and have had to cut back on lately. I have all my fingers crossed that this goes off without any more glitches.

Oh, on a related note the doc says I absolutely have to stop smoking. The smoking really undermines the bones ability to grow with proper density and they don't want to waste their time or mine, so having very good reason to, I am resolved to do as they ask. Suz and I have been talking about it for a while anyway and this gives us a great motivation to get a move on it. A new baby may also be in our future since quiting smoking was one of our biggest goals before we start down the road to family building. I'll keep updating often (with more good news hopefully).

Talk about crappy timing.

2007-10-11T11:14:00.000-04:00

After all the b.s. going on with the doctor's office and waiting and waiting for an appointment to have my surgery, I finally get a call from the doc himself apologizing for all the trouble. Seems that the problem was not what I thought it was, rather it was something going on at another of the doctor's local offices where an administrator was doing something illegal and now the doc has ended up in trouble as a result. I was torn between being pissed off that my surgery would again be put off and feeling sorry for the doctor having to go through such an unpleasant experience. I guess things could be worse on both sides, I could have already had the surgery and now I would not have anyone to follow up with, and the doc could have been blamed for whatever is going on there and lost his medical license. Anyway I have an appointment on Friday morning at another spine specialist and they are aware of the situation at the other doc's (as they are in the same building), so hopefully they will expedite the process. We will see.

Taking their sweet time.... Assholes!

2007-10-08T11:43:00.000-04:00

Well I have missed the John Pickering Foundation Playing for a Cure celebrity golf tournament for the first year in the last 5. I guess I can't really blame my doctors office for it but why not I should get to bitch about them after all the Mexican Two Stepping they have been dragging me through in the last few weeks. After all the initial steps we went through about alternative treatments and finally my accepting the doc's recommendation to go ahead with the surgery, and now they are dicking me around with the schedule for the official chopping up of my parts. The story the doc gave me was "think about it and if you decide to go with my recommendation and have the fusion, just call my office and they will schedule a date". I asked about how long is the wait between calling and getting in for the operation? "No more then a week" was the answer. Apparently that means one week from the day the person who does the doctor's surgery schedule decides that I am in enough pain to bother returning my calls. After Suz and I discussed the options and decided that the doctor probably has my best interest in mind I decided to call and schedule the surgery, that call was two weeks ago tomorrow (Tuesday). I was told that the scheduling person would call me back either that same day or by the next afternoon. Needless to say at this point, I did not get a return call. I decided to give her a few days, I guess just to give the benefit of the doubt, maybe the doc is extremely busy...?. Still no call. I called again (Friday) but she was out at lunch and would call me back when she returns. Waited for a while, (got sidetracked) no call back. I called the following Monday and again "I will leave a message for her to call you", and again, no return call. Then the next day (Tuesday) I called again this time early in the a.m. this time I asked to speak to the office manager. I explained the situation to her, and her response was "I am sorry about all of that Mr. Santoro, but she is on vacation all this week". Now, obviously I am a bit pissed off at that but I keep cool and say, ok lets just go ahead and schedule the surgery now. Her answer of course "oh no, only _______ can schedule a surgery" I asked, well can you please just give me the doctor's voice mail? But of course the doctors don't have voice mail, at least that is her story and she is sticking to it. So, she again tells me "I will leave a message for the scheduling nurse to call you first thing when she gets in on Tuesday". Ok, Tuesday is tomorrow, I think I am going to try and keep a positive vibe about it, well, at least until we see what happens tomorrow. ...... To be continued....

By the way...

2007-10-04T16:01:00.000-04:00

I forgot to mention in the last post, I have talked to my doctor again and he advised me to go ahead and schedule the operation as soon as I feel like I am ready. Having double checked with my H.R. department at work, to ensure that our insurance was all set up and not going to suddenly change without notice again, I went ahead and called the doc's office to check on available surgery dates. As I expected they said that they will have to check and get back to me. That was on Tuesday, so my plan is to give them till Friday morning then I will call again and be more stern about it. I will post the date when I know more.
-peace

How my days have gone lately...

2007-10-04T15:38:00.000-04:00

Not that anyone really wants to know, but this is basically what I have been up to in the past few weeks. I get up around 8:30am and let the dogs outside. Depending on my level of pain I either take my medicine now or I wait till it gets bothersome. I let the dogs in and sit in my traction harness for 10-15 minutes. When I finish with the traction device I then do some stretching exercises and get in a comfortable position with my head propped up on the sofa. With my computer in my lap I then start on my work for the day. If I have not already I will now take my medicine so as not to have to get up again. I will work on whatever needs my attention until lunch time then let the dogs out again and make myself something to eat. Lately my appetite has not been very good so some days I just eat something small so the medicine doesn't make me ill. I will usually get up and walk around outside a few times a day to keep my lower back from bothering me too. My days are pretty boring for the most part but working at home has made my life a lot easier since being in a lying down position with my head propped up minimizes my neck pain later in the day. I have mad a few attempts to work in the office Suzy set up for us in the small bedroom upstairs but being in an upright position all day seems to piss my neck off pretty consistently, so I avoid it unless I have something that requires the use of an extra monitor or if I have to scan or print anything. Well I guess that is about it, not too interesting but at least I got to show you how my days are being spent, for what it's worth.

Things don't always go the way you hope they will.

2007-10-01T12:42:00.000-04:00

We all think about situations before they happen. We imagine encounters with new people. We imagine what someone will say in response to a question before we ask it. It is a common thread I have observed in every aspect of my life. Having an idea of what to expect gives us a false sense of calm, If we were always completely surprised around every corner we would have a different outlook on life in general.

I had a follow up visit with my doctor this past Thursday. I was not expecting the answer I was told. During my previous visit I was advised to see a neurologist for an epidural injection to help relieve my worsening neck and shoulder pain. I knew that there were varied results to this procedure, some people had reported immediate relief, for some the relief took days or even weeks for others there was no effect at all and the duration of the relief varied even more then that. So, I knew that I had a chance at feeling better and the price tag applied to it was worth the sacrifice. Although Suzy did have to talk me into it a little, I guess for some reason she doesn't want me to be in pain. I certainly didn't want to be in pain but I guess I had a hard time with the notion of my feeling better being important enough to allot so much of our income to. Which is another problem all together , but enough about that.
So I had the injections. Three days later no relief, well I shouldn't say "no" relief I had relief but is was obviously not the result of the epidural, rather it was from the medication the doc prescribed for more immediate results. The problem there is that as soon as the pill wears off I am back to feeling like crap.
So there we were, back in the doctors office to hear what he thought we should do next.
I didn't know what exactly to expect, I thought, or rather I hoped he would say the best step to take from here was a disk replacement surgery, but that was not his answer. He said that what to do next was up to me, but my hope for disk replacement was not among the options.
The doctor told me that I could return to the neurologist for another epidural in hopes of better results, or schedule another spinal fusion to be placed below the one I already have. These were obviously not what I wanted to hear. Can I expect a different result from another uncomfortable and expensive injection into my spinal fluid? How am I to expect another fusion to resolve the problem, if the fusion I already have is causing the degeneration I have now. He said that the fusion would almost immediately stop the pain and constant need for medication. He also said that I may require additional surgery in the future but for now there are no other "real" options. The disk replacement I had hoped for was just not an option for me, since I had already had a spinal fusion. I did some research online and found that even in other countries where the surgery is more common and widely performed, the replacement of a multi level fusion with a artificial disk is just not done. Seems that the manufacturers of the replacement disk appliances do not condone it for that purpose. I guess that I am going to have the surgery and just hope that the future will bring a new type of disk replacement surgery for multi level injuries.

Ranting about the dingdongs.

2007-09-21T14:51:00.001-04:00

I wonder sometimes, how people function. I watch them go by doing their own thing. I hear them talking to their friends, or coworkers. I watch their interaction with their children and family. All of my observations tell me one thing... I don't understand people. No matter how many times or ways I interact with them they never stop baffling me. I find myself caught completely off guard when I try to guess where they are going or what they are up to. Is it just me? Am I the only one who is confused, or do we all feel the same way when observing life? I know the mob mentality and all that, but why does it seem like the older I get the more whacked out society gets? I am used to my own fluctuations and I think most people experience some level of the same. The thing that looses me is how the collective does not react in the same way as an individual. Are they so afraid of being different? I guess what bothers me is that this seems to be a growing trend. The more people realize their anonymity the more they sink into prejudiced behavior that they would never act on in small groups or on on one. Is our society going to continue to go down this road? I am hopeful that it won't but I guess all I know to do is be myself and hopefully incite a revolution.

Good feelings.

2007-09-19T11:28:00.000-04:00

Can I have your attention for a moment? I just have to say how happy it makes me to see photos of my nephew. I have had these experiences before when my godson was born but I guess being absorbed in my own life has caused me to forget how wonderful it is. The prospect of new life and all the wonderful possibilities the future holds give me warm fuzzies deep in my heart. I am sure anyone can relate who has similar experience but it never hurts to shout it out loud and remind ourselves. The hope and love, the desire to be a helping hand, to give of yourself just for the wonderful feeling it leaves.

Pain in the neck.... literally!

2007-09-15T15:57:00.000-04:00

So, as anyone who would be reading this probably knows I have had some issues with my neck for some years now. After an accident in 2000 I had an emergency surgery to plate and fuse the 4th 5th and 6th vertebrae in my neck. Since that time I have had physical therapy to deal with it and taken medicine of all sorts and tried to keep up a somewhat physical lifestyle to stay in shape. Well, all of those efforts were not enough to stave off the inevitable damage to the discs in my neck just above and below my fusion. I finally was in enough pain to see a specialist about it and he sent me on this past Thursday to see a neurologist. They decided to do a little procedure called an inter vertebrae epidural steroid injection. It feels about as nice as you would think. But now a couple of days later and I am feeling much better. I actually got out and did some yard work today and, until I started to get a little sore, I got a lot done. Suzy is graciously finishing up without me. I look forward to hopefully continuing to feel better and returning to my normal life soon.

Back to the ol' drawing board.

2007-09-10T21:57:00.000-04:00

So, I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that I would eventually have to face more surgery to keep my neck in good shape. I have had some discomfort for several years, but in the last year it has gotten worse little by little. I finally reached the point of constant irritation and decided to look into my options. I have been putting it off long enough (maybe too long) and now I fear I may have no choice but to go under the knife again. I have seen a few doctors over the last several years and have not seen any relief, not to mention I have become extremely frustrated with our system of health care in the US. I guess I don't have anything to compare it with, but in my research to find alternatives to invasive surgery all of the most advanced and least invasive procedures to treat bone degeneration are being done overseas. I was somewhat surprised at first but then I started to look into how and why this could be. America, one of the worlds richest and most advanced cultures, is not the best place for medical care?? I guess the insurance industry and the major medical facilities lack of care for their patients is at the base of it all, and the lobbyist influence in our law making is probably having an affect too. I mean why would you want to approve a proven effective inexpensive non invasive procedure when you can keep doing the very invasive and extremely expensive surgical operation and pocket the extra cash? Sure money is nice, but what is it costing us as a nation in the long run? I know I can be a bit cynical but I can not see the reasoning and I have first hand experience of being dragged through our medical systems (several times). It is funny how quickly things go. I remember years ago going in to a hospital for care that my insurance would only pay for for a limited time, and miraculously I was discharged just when my insurance ran out. Amazing!!! I just happened to suddenly be healed and my doctor suddenly decided I should be discharged just as my insurance benefits ended. The funny thing is that in the same hospital in the year before my stay the average length of care went from 6 months down to 3 weeks at the time of my hospitalization. After my discharge I continued to seek treatment and spent time in outpatient care, while there, I found out that the length of time the insurance companies would pay for continued to shrink and lo and behold the length of time until the doctor discharged patients shrank right along with it. All of this was fifteen years ago and my experience with medical care has continued to disappoint me. Now as a grown person I am in a more grave situation, the bones in my neck behind my surgical implant have been slowly deteriorating since my surgery in 1999, now the plating and bone implant are not supporting my head and the weight is putting a lot of pressure on my spinal cord and nerve stems. I am not sure what is going to happen, can they fix it? Will I have to go through all the rehab again? Will I lose more mobility? Will I be able to ride my bike? Will I be able to play with my kids? Will I still have pain? Will I have more loss of feeling in my skin, hands, arms? I am going to a cervical spine specialist (3rd in 3 years) on Thursday and I hope hope hope he can help me and hopefully start to change my perspective. We will have to see.....

long walk

2007-09-10T21:49:00.001-04:00

Took this picture in 05 while visiting my bro and his fam in MO.
I don't know why but shadows fascinate me.

long walk
Originally uploaded by Chris_Santoro

Time is on my side.....

2007-08-20T10:53:00.000-04:00

Or is it?? I had an interesting week attending and working at a trade show in Miami last week. It was strange being there in a working capacity. I was surprised how much the city has changed but was still very familiar. All the buildings were the same and the people too, for the most part, but the names and colors had changed a bit. It all felt a little cheapened and in more of a rush then before. Maybe it was just me..? I really enjoyed my first outside of the office work experience but it seemed a bit more calm then I expected. The best part of the whole week was getting to know my co-workers and clients a lot better. It is funny how you sometimes put people on a pedestal before you meet them, then you get to know them and the whole experience changes your prospective, some for the better, some not so much. I had a great time at the actual tradeshow making bonds and getting people to be more interested, but I think the real progress was made after the fact. The power of relationships is the ultimate force in business, negative and positive alike. Either way it was a great experience and I look forward to the next one.

I am somewhat dissapointed in some of my friends.

2007-07-08T00:05:00.000-04:00

Funny how things don't always go as you expect, but you still have a great time. We had a party this past week for the 4th of July. I had a great time and I think all our friends did too, but the funny thing is, all the worrying and planning and trying to make sure everyone is taken care of and everyone knows where and when and how and what to bring etc... can really tire you out. I made an extra effort to plan ahead, way ahead, we started telling people in late March and still in the week before had no real idea how many folks would be there. I guess the thing that is bugging me is that nobody (of my good friends) who didn't show up even called or responded to my email invites. It just bothers me that my/our friends don't consider it important to call or RSVP. What is even more irritating is all the people who were all fired up about it and said they were really looking forward to it, then didn't show up or even call to say they had decided to do something else for the 4th. I went out of my way spending money on special food and drinks for friends with special diets and toys and games for their kids, and then to not have a call or anything..... It just pisses me off. I guess the only thing I can really do is make sure I don't do the same thing to people who invite me out, and maybe take a little more conservative effort in the planning and buying side of throwing a party.
On the other side of things we had a really great time playing games and cooking and talking and shooting off the fireworks, maybe I should focus on the good of it all. I suppose that is my dad's part of me, having a tendency towards focusing on the bad or potential bad outcome of a situation. I always hated that about him and I didn't know how destructive it could be until after he died. I have actively and somewhat successfully quelled that part of my personality but I guess some part of it is still there. It was a lot of fun and I was not too wiped out after all was said and done. I will remember that most of all.

Settle in and hold on!

2007-07-02T11:00:00.000-04:00

So, life goes on. The last few years have been the most active I can remember. Brian and Kelly had a son (my first experience with that new feeling), I met Suzy, changed jobs, we fell in love, changed jobs again, moved in together (at her parents house for a while), traveled around some, stayed in the same job but changed companies, got engaged (another first), lost my dog (best friend) to lymphatic cancer, found out my brother had TC, traded my PC for a BMW, got married, bought a nice house, adopted a dog, found out Suzy's aunt had CC, got a promotion, adopted another dog, got another promotion, adopted another dog, found out Suzy had EN, found out BP's mom had CC too, found out Suz was getting a hard time from some guys at her work, got fired, sold my BMW, spent a lot of time hunting for jobs, spent a lot of time figuring out ways to pinch pennies, Suzy got fired, had a very lean Christmas, spent a lot more time job hunting, finally found a good job, traded in my truck for a new Nissan Versa, bought a new FZ1, Suzy got a new job, Frank and Sarah adopted my new nephew Zane, found out my brother in law Chris was going to be a father (with the help of his girl Ashley). Now about four years have gone by some things have settled down and love and life are going on. It is funny how you can get so used to life bouncing you around like riding in the last car on the Scream Machine, that you feel strange when there is no craziness. Well I think it is about that time, hopefully I am not jinxing it by writing this but what the hell. It has been a long time since I felt this way but I think we are finally starting to settle in.

Ok. I am ready now.

2007-06-06T12:06:00.000-04:00

So, being a pretty outgoing and not very private person I felt like freeing some of the long and short standing burning issues in my mind. The articles I intend to post in this blog are my thoughts, feelings and opinions. I don't really care all that much what you think, but, if you feel like donating to my jumble of thoughts in hopes of influencing me, or just putting your two cents in thats cool with me. I may not agree with you... let me rephrase that... I am not likely to agree with you, but I am more then willing to listen to your valid opinion.
-Peace

Hi there.

2007-03-13T16:13:00.000-04:00

Never posted a blog of my own before. I don't think I will start now.